


recovery

by MahoganyDoodles



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Visions, Grief, Intentional Recklessness, Major character death before events of story, Mental Health Issues, Mourning, No Pregnancy, Post-Canon, Post-TRoS, The Hunt for Ben Solo, World Between Worlds, ambiguous ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26795674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MahoganyDoodles/pseuds/MahoganyDoodles
Summary: After the death of Leia and with a severed bond, Rey withdraws emotionally more and more from the rest of the Resistance and throws herself into the work of rebuilding the galaxy after the collapse of the First Order and continuing the Jedi path. Returning to Takodana to help Maz, she feels the bond almost come to life in the forest where she first met Ben.She dismisses it as wishful thinking until she can't anymore.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 36
Collections: To Rapture the Earth and the Seas: the 2020 Reylo Fanfiction Anthology





	1. I.I

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE shoutout to the [RFFA team](https://twitter.com/reyloffanth) for all their hard work creating, running, and advertising this anthology! There are so many incredible writers taking part and putting their own spins on force of nature, and without the RFFA team we would never have all come together. 
> 
> I'd like to give a particularly big thank you to [politicalmamaduck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/politicalmamaduck/pseuds/politicalmamaduck) and [aionimica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aionimica) for beta-reading and editing my piece and creating this wonderful moodboard! 
> 
> I wanted to write about Rey's feelings of grief and isolation after losing so many people, including her soulmate, one after another. Rey tries to find her way to recovery after everything she's been through, including the force dragging out her pain.
> 
> This story will be told in three parts with five, four, and six chapters in each party, respectively. All chapters within a part will be posted at the same time. The second part will be posted two weeks from now, on 11/6, and the third two weeks after that.
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/MahoganyDoodles) and Discord under the same name!

**I.I**

Her muscles were numb. 

Or did they hurt? She couldn’t tell anymore. 

For every rock that she threw behind her, another fell in its place. A moment in time frozen, the cycle endless. Focus her energy. Pick up a rock. Throw the rock. Hear the rock fall behind her. Focus her energy. Pick up another rock. Throw the rock. Hear the rock fall behind her. Focus her energy. Pick up a rock. Throw the rock. Hear the rock fall behind her. If she worked fast enough, the fall of the rocks could almost drown out the silence in her head. Almost. It was easier to ignore, at least. 

Easier didn’t mean easy though, not when she felt torn in half. Everything that she had been, everything she thought she was before it all, everything she was after joining the Resistance, everything she was after the bond opened: all of it was sheared down an invisible fault, the ends as ragged as the Star Destroyer corpses on Jakku. 

Not that she was doing any better here on Jalindi, repurposing an abandoned Imperial base into a communications stronghold for the new government. Sure, she was surrounded by people who called themselves her allies, but at the end of the day, they didn’t know her. Barely anyone did. Kriff, she was alone, empty, what was she even doing here—

No. She was getting distracted again, letting the silence overtake the noise. Focus her energy. Pick up a rock. Throw the rock. Hear the rock fall behind her. Repeat. 

How many hours passed? Not enough. Enough to justify going to sleep? She didn’t know. Perhaps she could turn in, pass the dining area without notice and just crawl into bed, uncaring that she would be back awake before light began to creep over the horizon, back throwing rocks. 

No, she gritted her teeth. She could do more. Just a bit. Focus her energy. Pick up a rock. Throw the rock. Hear the rock fall behind her. Focus her energy. 

“Rey!” 

Her heart soared and she spun on her heel, hearing only the voice behind her. “Finn?”

He crashed into her, pulling her tight against him. She closed her eyes. Suddenly the silence didn’t seem so deafening. 

He pulled back far too soon, grinning at her as his hands settled on her shoulders. “So,” he teased, “how’d I know I’d find you out here?”

A smile crossed her face, more natural than it had felt for a long time. “Finn, I’m so happy to see you.” 

His hearty laugh warmed her. “You better be! As soon as Poe and I landed planetside, we headed straight here to see you.”

Coolness settled in place of the warmth that left her so quickly as Finn stepped back, and she had to work hard to keep the smile pinned in place, as she felt the second presence trailing behind them. Poe jogged around the column of rocks, breathless as he laughed and called out, “Slow down there, buddy! I couldn’t even keep up with you.” 

Finn grinned back at his boyfriend and the cool feeling spiked in Rey’s chest, morphing into something nasty even as she tried to tamp it down. They just made it look so simple _._

It had been less than two standard weeks since she last saw Finn, but even now she felt he was already gone as he let go of her to clap Poe on the back, hunched over and wheezing from the exertion. 

The way Poe looked up at Finn from his bent position made her heart ache. She just wanted, and she couldn’t even say for what. 

Then Finn looked up at her again instead, and the feeling abated, if only momentarily. Whistling long and low, he looked up at the path she had created. “Wow, Rey, you really made progress. I think you have to be at least halfway through the mountain. Last Rose had told me, they thought it would take three months before they got this far.” 

Blinking, Rey looked around. Now that she was paying attention, she supposed she was much deeper than anticipated. She hadn’t noticed. The pile of rocks was large, but all she knew was rock, after rock, after rock. 

“Maker to Rey, are you listening to me?” 

Her eyes snapped back to Finn, who was gripping her shoulders again. There was concern in his eyes and worry on his face and Rey looked away. She forced that same smile back to her face. She should have known better than to let her thoughts wander. “Sorry, Finn. I was just thinking about how much progress we made.”

He smiled too, but it didn’t reach his eyes. They were still watching her with pity that made her bristle. But, at least he wasn’t openly examining her anymore. 

The chrono on Finn’s wrist beeped, and he swiped two fingers to the left, ignoring the incoming transmission. Still, he couldn’t conceal his double-take as the numbers shifted to local time. “Is the dining hall still open at this time? I was thinking we could get a meal together before Poe and I had to head back to headquarters.”

She deflated slightly as the words registered. He was leaving again already? “No, I don’t think it is.”

“Ah,” Finn paused, glancing quickly back at Poe. “Well, I’m sure we can get something prepared from the kitchen, and then we can go back to your quarters and eat together.” 

Realizing she was hungry, she nodded and led the way. 


	2. I.II

**I.II**

Half an hour later, she sat in Rose’s quarters eating the roasted meat Finn begged the kitchen to prepare once he heard they only had dried portions. It was good, and Rey was grateful that he did it. Still, she couldn’t help the ugly feeling of abandonment bubbling in her chest, and she could tell that Finn was growing uncomfortable with her restlessness as the four of them ate. She had been focusing on him since they started eating, with him attempting to look everywhere but her while Rose and Poe chatted away about all the worlds he and Finn had traveled to in the last month alone.

For just a second, his eyes flashed towards her, and just as fast they flickered away again. Rey pounced. 

“You’re leaving again.”

Finn swallowed, half-choking on the roasted quialeg until Poe leaned over and slapped him on the back. “Well—yes, we have to, well—we have to investigate a report of First Order-sympathizer activity on the planet of New Hays Major. But,” he looked up at her, actually looking at her for the first time since they’d sat down, “we could really use your help. I know you’ve said no before, but this time I think—”

“No.” She grimaced. The words came harsher than she intended, and she tried to backpedal. “It’s just, the work here on Jalindi needs me. They have a lot of equipment that needs repair, and like you said, the progress on the mountain requires someone trained in the Force to create the tunnel.”

Finn held up his hands. “Okay, okay. It was just an idea.” His chrono beeped again, and he looked down and grimaced. “Sorry Rey, Rose, but we have to head out, there’s more reported activity on New Hays Major.”

Poe left first, while Finn stopped at the door watching her closely where she stared down at her food. “If what you want to do is help where it’s most needed, I talked to Maz the other day and she needs a lot of help restoring Takodana. She would like having you there.”

Rey continued to stare at her plate for a moment longer, before realizing that Finn expected a response. Briefly, she considered not taking his suggestion just to be spiteful, but that was unfair to her closest friend. It wasn’t his fault that she so rarely saw him; after all, she was the one who insisted on being as far away from the greater part of the Resistance as possible. “Thank you, Finn. I’ll think about it.”

The room got much quieter when they left. It wasn’t that Rose wasn’t wonderful; Rey spoke to her more than anyone else on the base, told her more than anyone else in the Resistance about what happened in the end. They became fast friends in the year they fought together, and with the Resistance’s focus shifted now, their paths continued to cross as they rebuilt the galaxy. Every time they had, Rose had taken the opportunity to fit herself back into Rey’s life. Now that they were both stationed on Jalindi, she saw her more than anyone else. Rose was easy to get along with that way.

Rose was looking at her. Did Rey miss a question? She forced a smile at Rose, then resumed picking at her food to deflect the tension. 

“It’s okay, you know.”

Rey froze only for a second. “What do you mean? I’m fine.”

Rose sighed. “No, you’re not. And that’s okay, that’s what I mean. When Paige sacrificed herself…” Rose trailed off and took a deep breath. “When Paige sacrificed herself, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. Even worse than losing our parents. It was like half of me was just, missing, all at once. And I didn’t even know until it was too late. Resistance fighters die all the time, and it’s always awful, but it always felt like it would never happen to Paige. That she would always make it home. And when she didn’t…”

Rey extended one hand, reaching across the table for Rose. Rose placed her hand in Rey’s, fingers curled loosely around hers. “Well, when there was so much action going on, it was hard for my brain to catch up. It was just one thing after another, from meeting Finn, to going to Canto Blight, to being imprisoned on a First Order ship, to crashing speeders on Crait. But after, she was all I could think about. All I could feel was the place where she was supposed to be. So, I started looking for anything, wherever I could find it. I looked for romance with Finn, and it just wasn’t meant to be; I was trying to force something, anything, to fill that void. Then I upgraded all the Resistance’s equipment, then I threw myself into espionage, then after Exegol I threw myself into planning and developing New Hays Major.” She sighed again. “After that, I threw myself into setting up a new base here. But now, I think I’m finally ready to stop doing things just to fill the void and start doing things because I want to.” Her fingers tightened around Rey’s and Rose looked up at her with those warm eyes. “I want to get back into it. I want to help Finn and Poe, and I’m going to be requesting a transfer back to main base in the next few days.”

Rey’s heart pinched tighter and  _ no, no, no, she couldn’t lose Rose too, _ and Rose must have seen it on her face because she tightened her fingers around Rey’s. The pressure drew Rey back to reality. Rose’s warm gaze held her as she continued, “I can’t tell you when you’ll be ready to stop filling the void. Only you can know that. But what I do know, is that trying to force things never worked for me. When it wasn’t enough anymore, I moved onto the next thing. So, I think you should consider going to Takodana.”

It wasn’t that Finn and Poe hadn’t suffered. They’d lost and they’d lost and they’d lost with the Resistance. But with Rose, it was like she put everything Rey was going through into words and showed her it didn’t have to be like this forever. So she said, “I will. Thank you, Rose. For Everything.”


	3. I.III

**I.III**

The request to transfer to Takodana went surprisingly quickly, even for someone like Rey, and she could practically feel Finn’s influence all over it. Still, within two days she was approved, her few belongings packed, and on her way to Takodana.

Maz greeted her the moment she got off the ship. “Rey! It’s so wonderful to see you at last. I knew you would be coming, and I couldn’t wait for this day.”

Rey dropped to her knees, pulling Maz into a tight hug. “It’s great to see you too, Maz.”

“Come,” Maz said, leading her back to the ruins of the castle. “Let’s get you settled in.”

Working on Takodana was easy. Interesting repairs kept her mind sharp, there was always someone keeping her company, and her evenings were spent being introduced to unusual travelers by Maz. The universe was so much bigger than she had known even when working for the Resistance. 

And then she spent the nights sobbing when her mind stopped racing and she was alone again. 

Still, she was happier than she had been on Jalindi. Rose was right: she needed something new, and this was it. It wasn’t perfect—could anything be?—but it was enough for now.

“Rey?” Maz called one morning. “Could you please go into the forest and gather some bark from the rhosyin tree? My supplies are running low, and I won’t be able to make my famous house cocktail,” she said with a wink.

Rey laughed. “I’ll go now. Is there anything else you need?”

Maz waved her off. “No, I’m sure the rhosyin bark will keep you busy enough.” 

The forest was one of Rey’s favorite parts of Takodana. At first, worry had gnawed at her that any trip into the woods would only remind her of her first fight with Ben, but even after two years of traveling worlds, the lush and green still enchanted her so much that she was able to find peace in a way she could not elsewhere. 

However, the elusive rhosyin trees were starting to test her patience. She had explored for over two hours, with no sight of a single kriffing tree. If she didn’t find them soon, she would have to call Maz for help. Not that help was guaranteed; there was a chance Maz would find it an amusing life lesson to allow her to struggle on her own.

She could have sworn she had seen that gnarled tree stump before. Had she already searched this part? 

Rey swore as her foot caught on a branch and she stumbled forward through a rocky outcropping, catching herself with the Force at the last minute, only a few inches above the ground. She floated back to her feet, settling down—carefully—on the uneven dirt. 

A lightsaber ignited behind her. 

She swiveled around and flipped backward, cursing herself for leaving her saber behind even as she landed on the ground and snatched up a branch. She had grown too complacent on Takodana, far from the war that had honed her fighting instincts.

The lightsaber shrieked as her eyes focused on her target, and she froze, startled by a sound that she recognized. 

She collapsed to her knees. 

Ben. 

He stood at the edge of the rocky outcropping, crossguard lightsaber shifting from side to side as he blocked unseen attacks. Dressed in the regalia he had worn as Kylo Ren, he was barely visible to her eye, translucent and shock-white in the pale light.

Was this a vision sent by the Force, some new way of torturing her? She couldn’t help it, she reached out with her senses, frantic as she groped for the bond. It was severed, the other end of her bond floating hopelessly in the Force, but—but,  _ this figure had a bond too,  _ his connection untethered just like hers. His bond felt exactly as it had before, and when she reached for it, tried to grasp it in the force, it was humming and oh, it was Ben, and—

He was gone.


	4. I.IV

**I.IV**

Rey crashed through the forest, panting and out of breath as she jumped from treetop to treetop, towards the castle in the distance and the one woman who could offer her knowledge. Could tell her something, anything _ , _ to explain what had just happened in the forest that had caved a hole into her heart and gutted her. Tears streamed down her face. She couldn’t tell if the tightness in her chest was due to her fear and panic or the frantic pace she had set through the forest, chasing the afterimage of her love until not even the feeling of him in the Force was left.

Maz would know what to do. 

The petite woman was already standing on the edge of the forest when Rey crashed to the ground at its edge, gasping for air as she tried to explain what she had seen. 

The words spilled from her, stream after stream of confusion and longing and terror and hope while Maz just held her and loosened Rey’s hair from the buns, stroking her fingers through as Rey continued her story.

When she stopped, exhausted, Maz continued to stroke her hair for a moment while Rey drew in more shuddering breaths. “My child,” Maz said. “I know this is not the answer you want to hear. But I know no better than you what the vision you saw meant. It is different from any vision I have heard of, and I fear it is beyond my abilities in the Force to interpret it for you.” She sighed. “Leia had powerful visions as well. They were not the same as yours, but…”

“Leia would know what to do.” Rey sniffled, wiping at her nose. Despite the tears she had already cried, her eyes began streaming again. 

“Oh, Rey.” Maz hugged her closer. “I miss Leia too. Here,” she said, offering Rey a handkerchief. She dabbed at her face, and Maz continued. “Maybe it was nothing. But more likely, it was something, and if it happens again, you should seek out Leia.” 

Her head shook. “I can’t. I haven’t been able to speak to any of them since Exegol.” 

“Well then,” Maz said, “you will just have to go to her. Leia once mentioned to me that she wanted to understand how her father came to be and to do that, she would have to travel to Tatooine.” Rey nodded. She had heard of it before, on the rare occasions Leia would mention a child named Anakin and the man he became. “Now, it is just a feeling, but my dear, when you become as old as I have, you tend to trust in these feelings. So, if this happens again, go find her.”


	5. I.V

**I.V**

Her time on Takodana passed without much excitement after that. There were repairs to do and travelers to care for, but soon the castle was running much as it had before its destruction. So Maz began sending Rey further and further off-planet, to collect this piece of equipment or that material. 

When an apparition of Ben appeared again to Rey on Ilum, she immediately set a course for Tatooine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Section II will continue on 11/6. 
> 
> ALSO, please go check out some of the other works in the RFFA collection, there are some absolutely phenomenal writers and pieces in there!


	6. II.I

**II.I**

From overhead the planet looked eerily like Jakku, Rey thought with unease as she guided her craft to settle at the desolate homestead that was half-buried beneath the sand. Maz provided her the coordinates before she left. How Maz had known where to find this information, Rey had no idea, but she was sure it had something to do with her limitless contacts that owed her a favor.

It was hard to reconcile this small home and Luke Skywalker, her teacher and guide. It was even stranger to reconcile this small home with Darth Vader’s mother. But both called it home, and actions that happened here affected the fate of the entire galaxy, caused the destruction of entire star systems and the deaths of innumerable beings, all because of the cruelty of a handful of individuals.

Uncomfortable—that was the best way she could describe how she felt. How close was her life to Anakin’s? Two poor children, raised on a sandy, desolate planet, forced to work, losing those they cared about the most in the universe, with a particular affinity for droids and unnaturally strong in the Force.

If Ochi captured her and brought her to Palpatine, would she have become the same, if not worse? 

A wind behind her and a shift in the Force let her know she wasn’t alone. But when she turned to look and saw Leia and Luke standing there, smiling at her like she hadn’t let Ben die, like her life hadn’t come at the price of his, she broke down.

It seemed like all she did nowadays was cry, but they didn’t judge her as Leia knelt in the sand beside her, stroking her fingers through Rey’s hair just as Maz had. The tears kept coming, but now at least the sobs had stopped and she could look at Leia’s face and know this was love, and Leia loved her and Leia loved Ben and she would do anything to help Rey get him back. 

Rey settled back and hugged her legs to chest, smiling as Luke settled down beside her as well. It felt like they had been watching over her since she had been left alone.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me.”

“Well,” Leia said, “why don’t you start by telling us what you do know?”


	7. II.II

**II.II**

They listened in silence as she concluded, Luke absently stroking the side of his beard while Leia laced her fingers and stared into the distance. 

Luke shifted. “You said you encountered Ben on Ilum as well?”

“Yes,” Rey said, nodding. “I went to Ilum after the Skywalker lightsaber broke. I wanted to find my own crystal and build a new saber, but he interrupted me before I could find one. We fought, but with the broken saber I didn’t stand much chance and barely escaped off the planet. I repaired the lightsaber after that.”

“Oh?” Luke asked. “And this time when you went to Ilum?”

The corners of Rey’s lips quirked up, and she pulled a yellow crystal from her bag. “I had just finished meditating on it when the vision started.” 

The corner of Leia’s eyes crinkled. “Good girl.” 

Luke was staring off into the distance now, eyes on the twin suns. “Hm.”

Leia prodded him in the arm. “Hm, what?”

He scowled at her, but turned back to Rey. “There’s a unique phenomenon in the Force, similar to the astral projection that I used on Crait. It’s unusual, it acts as a mirror to the past in some ways, showing things that occurred in that location.”

“So, it’s just a vision?” Rey asked, shoulders sinking. 

“No, and that’s why it’s more similar to astral projection than a simple Force vision,” Luke said. “It reflects what occurred at that physical location, so the planet must be at the correct point in its orbit and rotation to experience such insight into the past. Even so, it could only be seen by a trained Jedi in meditation. That you were able to see such a thing unintentionally, and with such depth of detail and sound in your physical environment and not a meditative state, means it may go beyond such a technique. And—”

Leia interrupted, “What Luke is trying to say, is that it may be because of your bond in the Force with Ben. It’s a kind of connection of our world to the World Between Worlds, and because of those two factors, you may be able to actually impact these visions.” 

Rey’s shoulders tightened. “What do you mean by ‘impact these visions’?”

“Well, you may be able to cause some crossover between our world and Ben’s,” Luke said.

“Ben’s world?” Rey glanced from one to the other in confusion. “Shouldn’t he be with you in the Force?”

The twins exchanged a look that Rey didn’t like. Leia began gently, choosing her words carefully. “We haven’t been able to sense him. We believe that because some of his life force resides in you, he hasn’t joined with the Force as he normally would as some of his energy is tethered to yours. That he may be in the World Between Worlds, where the Force connects the past, present, and future.”

“So he’s just stuck there?” Rey spat out. “He’s stuck between life and death because of me?”

The twins' expressions didn’t change, and slowly it dawned on her. “You think I can bring him back.” Her gaze shot back and forth between the two of them. “How do I do it?”

“Nobody’s ever done it,” Leia said. “But, we think that because he’s part of you and his life is in you, because you’re a dyad in the Force, that maybe you might be able to.”

“You’ll have to start by locating one of these visions,” Luke added. “The stronger, the better. The most contact, the most use of the Force. As long as possible, too. If you find one, you may be able to cross into the World Between Worlds, find Ben, and cross back into your world.”


	8. II.III

**II.III**

After leaving Tatooine, Rey spent weeks pouring over maps and holopads. She researched every location where she and Ben had met, back-calculating the position it had been at when they had encountered each other, and then using star charts to calculate when it would be at that position again next. In some cases, even traveled there to obtain data points for the current coordinates when her data files were incomplete.

For each one, she evaluated the amount of time she and Ben spent together, whether it would be a strong candidate for a vision and how long she might have to bring Ben back.

She saved this site for last; terror sank into her bones at the knowledge that it was the longest exposure she had with Ben and undoubtedly the strongest outpouring of the Force that occurred between them. It was the epicenter of it all, so she shouldn’t have been surprised that the planet would be perfectly in position in a month.

Exegol.


	9. II.IV

**II.IV**

She was so close _._

She could feel it—him—all around her, the very Force thrumming with energy, crushing her under its enormous weight. 

The ground shifted and rock collided with her knees, hands scrabbling frantically fast, fast to grab hold of something, anything. 

It just kept rumbling underneath, louder and softer, in harmony with the waves, the sounds, the Force inside her head and her skull felt like it was going to crumple inwards, _but he was just so close._

The weight of the Force pressing down on her felt heavier with each step closer. Was the ground even moving? Hearing things, seeing things, now was feeling them next, the closer she got to being torn between this world and the other? She knew she could pull Ben back; she just knew. His world wasn’t the next, it was just different and if he had survived so long there then she could survive here and he was just so close and yet she wasn’t close enough to reach him, but she would get close enough if it was the last thing she did. 

Then she saw it: the entrance she used last time. Her legs screamed at her but her legs were hers and not the other way around and she could make it there. 

The coarse grains and ash still swirled around her, the planet just as dead as when she had left it. 

Except for Ben.

The pain in her legs was still as present as the throbbing in her head, but she was Rey of Jakku, and she had borne more than so many could have dreamed. The physical: starvation and hard labor in the sandy ruins of once-mighty fleets; the mental: having her memories rent from her mind, of having her every secret laid bare; the emotional: the torture of losing each and every person she craved to hold onto; the spiritual: half of her being torn from every part of her being. She had survived it all and she would survive this and she would take back what was hers. 

It didn’t change the agony of dragging herself meter by meter. It didn’t make the crushing weight of the Force pummeling her towards the ground more bearable. It just made her Rey: she who would endure. 

Wetness slid down the corner of her eyes when she collapsed at the edge of the pit, staring down into the darkness. It was here. The ground was somewhere there below her, waiting for her.

If she just slid over the side, would she be able to slow herself at the exact moment to land safely? With this weight, it would require too much energy and control to jump. But free-falling? There was a chance. The world bled past her, dropping further and further into the darkness. And if she gambled and missed this chance? Well, either she would overcome this obstacle and was one step closer to bringing Ben back to the light, or she would join him on the other side. 

Really, either one would be okay. 

A statue’s obsidian eyes met hers, its stoic face mirroring hers.

Her hand extended. And she slowed. 

She blinked. That wasn’t conscious. 

**_Rey._ **

He was pleading with her. For her to save herself.

Her feet kicked, body surging upwards as she curled her legs beneath her. 

The ground crashed into her feet hard and she cursed as she tumbled forwards, every inch of skin scraping and cutting against the jagged edges of rock that dotted the floor, her palms splayed forward to stop her head from colliding with the hard foundation yet again.

She couldn’t have spent more than a few seconds flailing, unable to control herself, but it felt like an eternity, like those horrible lessons where Poe, and then Finn, had tried to teach her to swim but the waves crashed and crashed over her, dragging her under the water with no way of knowing what direction was up.

Stillness. It took a few more seconds for her to get her bearings, to hold air in her lungs for even a few shuddering beats. Darkness filled the ruined tunnel, but even in the scarce light from above she could see the gleam on her hands and let out a groan. Just a second, to let her aches subside. Just a moment, and she would clamber to her feet.

Somehow, the air felt even heavier here. It made her want to grit her teeth and scream. The closer she got, the harder it became. And she was getting close, she heard him. This was it, finally. The light reflected off her blood-stained hands and her spirit roared to life; she was Rey, and she would get to her feet—

When had she stood up?

The weight was still pressing down on her shoulders, but she had more than her own strength now. The tears were streaming down her cheeks and she sobbed, gasping deep. She had someone, someone helping her. He was helping her.

_Be with me._

One step forward. His life force. She could feel it.

_Be with me._

Another. Even brighter now.

 _Be with me._

And another. If she reached out, would she be able to feel him?

**_Be with me, Ben._ **

The amphitheater. 

She blinked. Time flowed so differently here. One moment she was taking her first staggering steps, and the next she was at the place where it had ended before it had even begun, a flame snuffed out before it could flicker to life.

Her feet carried her past the throne, past the shriveled husk and through the crumbled debris. The moment her feet touched the patch of ground she knew, this was it, she was here and he was here and this was it, this was now. 

Rays of light from the crumbled ceiling shimmered as they reached her feet. Her fingers brushed through and she could almost, almost feel the ghost of a sensation, as slippery and frictionless as some of the most decorative dresses Leia had owned. The veil that separated her world from his.

What now? Everything she read, everything the twins told her was theoretical, and even then it was only scraps of information; there was no guide to bringing someone back from a world that existed between worlds. 

Was it even possible? For others, maybe not. But she and Ben were a dyad, and she had been feeling traces of him for months and this was the spot where he had transferred his life to her so she could, and she would, succeed in transferring some of it back. Her past, present, and future were all tied here. And she would pull the Ben from the past into her now. But what if she didn’t? Would she wait and study and cry and stare and be empty for months while Exegol completed a whole new cycle?

No, she couldn’t. She couldn’t do it. Whatever she had to do, she would figure it out, and she would figure it out now. 

The shining light traced over her fingers again. She could do it; it was just a matter of execution. Of focus. 

_Be with me._

Again, her hands extended outwards of their own accord. Even if she didn’t consciously know what she was doing, some small part of her did. 

_Be with me._

The light shifted and she plunged. 

There, almost no more than a memory. Him. His shape, his light, his Force signature. It was hazy, her senses blurred, but he was more than she had for so long and the relief flooding through her system almost crumpled her. 

It was thick, this otherworld. Wading through nothing but everything at the same time. He was so close, but so far and when she reached out he slipped further away, her fingers grasping emptiness.

_Be with me._

She never was any good at meditating. But she was always good at Ben, even when it didn’t make sense and it felt like they were pushing each other apart when really they were tying the threads that held them together in knots, strengthening their unbreakable bond even when they drifted apart in a moment. 

The part of Ben that was her sang when she reached out into the World Between Worlds.

She almost cried when she touched his form. 

Palest white, and her arms wrapped around a solid form and at last, she held Ben after so long. 

Was this the first time they held each other like this? She awakened in his arms the last time they were here but that was different, this was different, because they were both here and standing and soon he would be back with her and nothing could tear him away. 

His hand ran through her hair and she looked up. Every feature, just as she remembered. The shoulders too broad to wrap her arms around, the unblemished skin around his expressive eyes, the prominent ears peeking out from waves of dark hair.

His lips forming the shape of words she could not hear.

The panic started to rise in her chest again, _weak, weak,_ and she struggled to make out sound where there was none. His lips were no help either; even if she could read them, was he speaking Basic? Every movement seemed so unfamiliar, the way his eyes burned on her and his hands wrapped around her arms. 

They had to get out of here. She couldn’t let him go. Behind her, she could feel the tug of the material world. She wrapped her arms tighter around his waist, praying he’d keep his hands circled tightly around her form and let the Force drag her backward, to the world where she belonged. 

Blinding pain. If Ben’s strong hands weren’t still holding her, she would have been thrown from the world she had fought so hard to reach.

She used his form as a beacon, refocusing her energy on him and the world he inhabited. Gasps of air filled her lungs and she looked up at him again. He was shaking his head now, mouth still moving soundlessly. She tugged again, putting her weight behind it. His feet didn’t budge an inch; his upper body barely shifted. 

Rey looked down and froze. Dark tendrils encircled his feet, tightly binding him to the spot. 

What was tying him here? A moment later she was on her knees, reaching for one of the black vines. 

When her fingers touched, she gasped. _Palpatine._ Of course. He was haunting her, haunting Ben, just as he always had, and now he was tying her love here. 

_Not for long._

She poured herself into the form, feeling it twist and shriek as it came into contact with the pure light energy she was forcing out. Felt it grow and flatten, wrapping around her, creeping at the edge of her brain. 

Suddenly knocked off-balance, her palms hit the floor and she drew another gasping breath. She would have fallen over completely if not for Ben’s arms wrapped fully around her shoulders. Her brow furrowed. Why the kriff was he shaking her?

His mouth was still moving, no matter that she couldn’t hear any of his words. But his face was no longer pale white as before; his color was returning. It was working. 

Her hand dropped to the tendrils again that were slowly reforming, preparing for another pulse of energy, only to be completely bowled over the next second. 

Ben was shaking his head, waving his hands at her. She gritted her teeth. She didn’t care why he was doing this. She was going to bring him back.

She lurched forward, wrapping her arms around the tendrils and flooding them with energy. They were writhing in her grasp, Ben’s arms trying to pry her off but she kept flooding and flooding and flooding, feeling the darkness shift and twist in her grasp, tangling and shuddering and flattening until it was wrapped around every point of her in some last desperate attempt to escape its fate, escape the fate that had been in store for this cruel dark side since it had first stolen Ben from her.

As soon as it started, it was over. Gone.

She collapsed, head pounding and gasping for air. She laid on the ground, staring up into Ben’s startled face. 

“Rey, please _.”_

Her eyes drifted closed. 

* * *

When she awoke, she was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Section III will continue on 11/16.
> 
> Per usual, please go check out some of the other works in the RFFA collection, there are SO SO many wonderful works in there and I cannot recommend them enough!


	10. III.I

**III.I**

No one asked.

Did any of them even care where she had been? Why she had been absent for days, why she had returned to Jalindi, why her body was broken and battered, why when she looked in the mirror all that was reflected in her eyes was emptiness?

She avoided reflective surfaces after that. 

Even Finn—when he made it back from whatever mission he’d been on—looked at her with that wide-eyed start she saw in all their faces. He began the fragment of a question, then stopped himself, fear in his eyes. Her closest friend was afraid of her. He spoke more to Jannah, to Poe, to Rose, to anyone else _,_ more than to her.

She was alone. 

The manual labor on Jalindi ran out soon after Finn’s visit, so she moved on to the next planet. There was always more work to be done, more physical effort to fill the void in her mind. At least before, she felt something. Grief, love, determination, even those rare sparks of hope. But now the nothing that ate at her consumed her entire being, and she spent her hours counting down until she could return to sleep, for it all to just stop _ , _ if only for a moment.

When she felt nothing, there were times she almost wished to return to before Exegol, before she confirmed she was alone in the universe and although every day was a struggle, at least she was fighting. But on the rare night she lay twisted in the blankets of her bed, face wet and hands pressed to her temples to block out the twitch of the bond that was only a lie—Ben was gone, she had proven that for herself firsthand—she wished for that emptiness to reclaim her again. And eventually, it would.


	11. III.II

**III.II**

Her muscles were numb. They always were.

“Rey!”

The rock slipped out of her Force grip and she cursed, frantically reaching for it again only to grasp it too late. It slammed against the ground, causing others in the area to shift and tumble, closing in the road she was forming. 

“Kark, Rey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Jannah was standing beside her. When did she arrive? Feeling a warm pressure, Rey glanced to her left. Jannah’s hand was on her shoulder now, and when she looked up, Jannah was smiling, the corners of her lips upturned. “Let’s move these back out of the way.” 

Before Rey could protest that she had it, she was fine, Jannah already had her hands pressed against a boulder, shoving it off to the side. 

Rey’s eyes widened slightly. Jannah was strong, but even so, moving that much weight should have been much harder than Jannah made it look.

Still, for tasks like this, nothing could compare to the Force; with a brush of her hand, she swept three away at once. With Jannah’s help, the work moved faster than it ever had when Rey worked alone, and within minutes they had undone the damage from the rockslide.

“We make a good team, right?” Jannah called. Rey looked back over her shoulder, surprised to see that Jannah was still smiling at her. 

“Yes. We do,” she said, and was surprised to find that she meant it.

The smile grew even wider, Jannah’s eyes shining. “I’m running a short mission, just retrieval of supplies, really, but I could use someone else on my team. Are you interested?”

Seeing the indecision on her face, Jannah continued, “It would just be you and me, and it wouldn’t take more than two standard days.”

“All right.”

Jannah visibly brightened. “Amazing, I’m happy to have you. Now, it’s past dinnertime, so you’ve got to be hungry, I know I sure am.” She laughed again, the sound making the whole landscape come to life. “Come on, let’s get to the base.”

It was that late already? Rey blinked. She normally continued working until it had long since turned dark out, and only ate when she had to. But now her stomach rumbled, and Jannah was already halfway down the path, so Rey followed. 

They sat at a table at the edge of the hall, Jannah digging into her plate. She glanced up at Rey, then gestured to the corner of her tray. “You should try the Jogan Fruit, it’s perfectly ripe,” she said.

Rey lifted the fruit and tentatively took a bite, unable to stop herself from moaning as the juice dripped onto her chin. “You’re right, it is,” she said around another mouthful. “They never had anything like this on Jakku.” Looking down at her plate, she realized she had almost forgotten how many types of foods existed. They all tasted so much better than the ration bars she had been living off of.

They ate in relative silence, until Jannah wiped her mouth and sat back with a sigh. “That hit the spot,” she said, settling back onto her forearms, watching Rey strip the meat from the bone she gnawed on. “So, for our mission, it’s not high priority, but I would like to go soon. Can you leave tomorrow? If not, I can wait and pick you up on a transport when you’re ready.”

Rey hesitated, then took another bite. “Sure.”

“Great,” Jannah said. “We’ll leave for Kef Bir at 0700 hours.”

Every part of Rey’s body froze, while her mind raced and raced. A peripheral movement caught her attention, and she noticed Jannah shifting in her seat. Kriff. She had been silent for too long, and Jannah’s sharp eyes were watching her probably for some sign she was about to withdraw again. Still, the months before provided Rey plenty of practice at pretending. So she set down her nuna drumstick, and said, “All right. I have a few things I need to prepare for our trip. I’ll see you at 0700,” and picked up her tray and walked towards the garbage. She didn’t stick around to see if Jannah bought it. 

The halls felt longer than they ever had before, the oppressive unending white making her steps grow faster and faster until she burst in her quarters panting and leaned back against the closed door.

Kef Bir? Of all the places Jannah could have asked her to go, it had to be the one where so much happened? Where Ben had crushed the wayfinder, where Ben had fought her, where Ben had stopped before the killing blow, and where she had delivered it instead; where she had realized her mistake and healed him, where he had realized his and finally embraced that he was Ben all along. The last place before Exegol.

Of course, it was natural for Jannah to have reason to return to Kef Bir. It was the place she called home for years, after all. 

Her eyes landed on the table in the corner of her room. She labored over map after map and holopad after holopad calculating trajectories and coordinates of every place she encountered Ben, and one of those places was Kef Bir. She couldn’t remember the exact location she determined, or when it would reach that point next. But, she only threw a tarp over the table to hide it from view, all of her documents were still there, and renewing her calculations would take less than an hour.

Bitterness sept into her thoughts. No, she already proved on Exegol that she was alone. So she laid down on the bed and waited for morning to come.


	12. III.III

**III.III**

Jannah piloted while Rey walked the ship’s length, stopping every few steps to prod at some piece of loose wiring or tinker with the broken dejarik board. It had taken some damage—probably from some disgruntled player after a loss—but after removing the top, Rey was easily able to locate the displaced circuit portions and reconnect them. The board whirred to life, little hologram figures appearing on the checkered spaces, and Rey smiled to herself. 

The rest of the trip passed at lightspeed. Rey fixed each one of the flaws she had found along the way, as well as many more that she discovered the more she prowled the ship. Buttons were glowing, gears turning more smoothly, the engine requiring less fuel for each hyperspace jump.

“We’re almost there!” Jannah yelled from the cockpit. 

Rey popped her head out of the floor panel she had been rewiring. “How long until we land?”

“Not long at all, we just entered the atmosphere.”

She walked to the front of the cockpit, peering out the viewport at the grassy plains before her. Beside her, she could feel Jannah’s concentration as she guided them down. Rey couldn’t help herself, she glanced down at the display panel, searching for the information she wanted. 

Her heart sank. She couldn’t remember the correct coordinates, but those weren’t them.

She tried to conceal her disappointment as Jannah touched the ship down gently. 


	13. III.IV

**III.IV**

The supply run took them across Kef Bir. Weapons, mementos, scrap parts, raw materials; they gathered it all, hauling their goods back to the ship. The sun was already low on the horizon when they finished their mission, picking the old stormtrooper gear dumped on the planet clean of any repurposable parts. 

Jannah set down the metal pieces she carried, straightening into a stretch. “We should stay here for the night,” she said, as Rey set down her own load. “We got an early start, and it wouldn’t do to be piloting a ship when we’re exhausted. We can head out at first light.”

Rey nodded, moving to grab some of the ration bars they packed and handing two to Jannah. “Good idea. If you want to help, I have a few more modifications to make to the ship, and then we can sleep.” 

Taking a bite of her ration bar, Jannah stood and nodded, and the pair settled into an easy rhythm for the remainder of the evening.


	14. III.V

**III.V**

Rey shot up in bed, clutching her head. The bond—it was open—and not just like on Exegol, where she could feel him through the force. She was scrambling to her feet, shoving her foot into one of her boots—he was here _ , _ actually here on Kef Bir.

Impossible. Her brain told her it couldn’t be and yet he was. She felt lighter than air, her heart singing; soon, after so long, they would be reunited.

The ramp lowered with a hiss, and Rey glanced back over her shoulder to make sure Jannah was still asleep. Reassured, she jumped to the grass and set off at a jog. He was a homing beacon calling her, and she knew just where to find him. 

Jannah’s sea-skimmer was still on the planet, resting on a rocky cliff near the beach and thankfully still wholly intact after their earlier scavenging mission. Rey took a deep breath and focused, lifting the ship into the air and gently resting it on the water. Although it was not actively storming, the waves were still choppy, but Rey made it once, and she would make it again. 

It was there, in the distance. Even without the bond humming in her head (telling her that her other half was here and so close and at last, after all the pain and suffering, alive and well), she would have known that he was on the Death Star.

She set into the water, determination set in her bones. 


	15. III.VI

**III.VI**

The hum was even louder now that she landed at the watery metal outcropping where they dueled, where she killed him and then healed him the next moment, but no, this wasn’t it, not the connection source. She could feel the bond’s draw, tugging her deeper into the wrecked shell. 

She scaled the metal ruins with easy jumps, uncaring at the way her palms twinged when she gripped the ragged shards and instead immediately leaped to the next spot. Far faster than she traveled before, she followed an instinct that whispered to her exactly where she was going, and every step that brought her closer to her target vindicated her, the bond humming so strong that she could almost begin to sense wisps of his emotions, gain momentary flashes of where he was. Yes, she was close, so close. Her heart could have soared; Exegol wasn’t a failure, the months of suffering weren’t pointless, nor the months of emptiness now. She was part of a dyad and the other half was here. 

Her feet landed on metal, and she straightened to her full height. The throne room at last. 

To the left of the broken seat her twisted grandfather once claimed, the blast doors were open. Ben was in there; she could feel it. 

Questions burned inside her. Where had he been? Why hadn’t he come to find her? How had her actions at Exegol allowed him to return? Now, she would have her answers and her soulmate.

She took the first step forward, into the darkness through the doors.

Her eyes readjusted to the darkness almost immediately, searching for Ben. 

Where once there were spikes, now only a single smooth, reflective surface stood, causing Rey’s eyes to widen: the mirror, from the cave under Ahch-To. The one that revealed her darkest truths. She swallowed, then approached.

She froze. 

Yellow eyes stared back at her. Her own yellow eyes.

She raised her hand, and Dark Rey mirrored her motion. Her figure was shrouded in shadow, as if she was made of dark tendrils; as if she was made of dark tendrils that wrapped around every point of Rey while Ben tried to tear her away from them, then disappeared from the other plane.

“No,” she gasped. “No.”

After everything she went through, the Dark Side somehow still took more from her. It wasn’t enough to take her parents, then Han, then Luke, then Leia, then the Ben she loved. Avarice was the essence of the Sith; now they wanted her too.

Her fist struck solid glass. It did nothing; Dark Rey still stared back at her, amused.

She would not let it tear the last piece of her away. It took, took, took, but now she was going to make it give. She wouldn’t let all those months of suffering be for nothing.

Someone was approaching. Someone with heavy footsteps. “Rey?” he asked, desperation in his voice.

Relief coursed through her as her head snapped up towards the sound. Her knees went weak and she could have sobbed; it hadn’t been for nothing after all.  _ Ben. _ He was just through the blast doors, fast approaching, and she was so ready to run into his arms, to leave this planet behind, and spend the rest of her days no longer as her but as them _.  _

But first… she turned to glare at the mirror. Her lips curled into a snarl, fisted fingers tightening against the glass. First, she would destroy this darkness that had escaped and do everything in her power to rid the galaxy of the stain of the Sith.

The Rey in the mirror smiled. 


End file.
